Westboro Baptist Church Target Pop-Punk

The more-than-slightly deranged (or American Evangelist, for short) Westboro Baptist Church is planning to turn their pickets on a popular American pop-punk band on December 6.

The church, best known for their practice of protesting at the funerals of homosexuals and military personnel, have been banned from entering the United Kingdom after plans to protest a youth production of a gay-themed play came to light, and no, it wasn't "Gay! The Musical" starring Laura Knightley from The Bill.

Now though, they have turned their attention to the androgynous abomination of the music world, since Cain was the father of music (we must have missed the mention of his post-murder drum solo in Genesis) and therefore all music is some kind of bad thing. Plans for the protest were revealed on the church's website, charmingly titled www.godhatesfags.com.

Their statement said:

"12/06/2009 ~ 6:15 PM - 7:00 PM ~ Philadelphia, PA Electric Factory

"All Time Low MEETS All Time Perverts!

"7th & Willow "All Time Low front-man suffers concussion" so says the bloggers and Alternative Press reporter.

"You may be wondering what in the world WBC [ed: Westboro Baptist Church] cares about these losers - so let me break it down for you. How do you know how far gone a society is? You look at their social icons. When you look at these gender-confused, haphazard freakazoids then you can plainly see that America is DOOMED, for real!

"This is the final generation, and a little concussion is the least of their worries. Here is what they have to look forward to when this once great nation finally falls - for her fall is already started. She is such a big, fat, disgusting, stupid whore that it is going to take a while to fall (brings to mind the comedy routine that Eddie Murphy does about his drunken cow of an aunt who falls down the stairs at each of their summer bar-b-ques as he was growing up). That is the picture of this nation falling slow, steady, hard and sure.

"Now picture all of the other nations lamenting this fall, and here is what they will say about the reality that will shortly exist, all thanks to you putting Antichrist Obama, That Wicked, the Beast in the White House: Revelation 18:20 "Rejoice over her, thou heaven, and ye holy apostles and prophets; for God hath avenged you on her. ²¹ And a mighty angel took up a stone like a great millstone, and cast it into the sea, saying, Thus with violence shall that great city Babylon be thrown down, and shall be found no more at all. ²² And the voice of harpers, and musicians, and of pipers, and trumpeters, shall be heard no more at all in thee; and no craftsman, of whatsoever craft he be, shall be found any more in thee; and the sound of a millstone shall be heard no more at all in thee; ²³ And the light of a candle shall shine no more at all in thee; and the voice of the bridegroom and of the bride shall be heard no more at all in thee: for thy merchants were the great men of the earth; for by thy sorceries were all nations deceived. ²⁴ And in her was found the blood of prophets, and of saints, and of all that were slain upon the earth."

"WBC's advice to DOOMED America and all her entertainment industry is as follows: Put your head between your knees and KISS YOUR BACKSIDES/CAREERS/LIVES GOODBYE, SUCKERS! Cain was the father of all musicians, and you still bear his curse to this day. Praise God! AMEN!"

We're not quite sure how they got from pop-punk to Obama to Revelation back to the entertainment industry, but we gather that making sense is not a job requirement for the WBC.

So, if you're planning on attending the PA show, bring something creative for protest dispersal: eggs seem to work well in this country, or maybe try a sniffling Mexican pig? But keep it violence free! In the interests of fairness, we'd also like to state for the record that Richard Dawkins is likewise a coconut!