The dictionary defines torture as “a cause of severe pain or anguish.” The debate may be ongoing about whether or not 'waterboarding' constitutes as such, the jury however, is back on “Viva La Cobra”. Give us the wet rag down our throat anyday.
Cobra Starship is another project of fast growing turd factory “Fueled by Ramen”. The five members of the band think they're creating fun, kitsch dance-rock. They're clearly living perputually in opposite day. They are obviously marketed towards tweens who love the style of mainstream 'emo' but find the music a bit too substantial and deep for their liking.
Throughout the album Cobra manage to rip-off every single power-pop band in the entire world, with the band grasping desperately at every idea, not one moment has a semblance of cohesion. After the first three tracks, boredom has set in, it doesn't look like it can get much worse. Then, the rapping and the spelled-out vocals start and all of a sudden, you start to miss boredom as it's mean older brothers revulsion and nausea set up camp in your head.
Even when moments of catchiness actually claw their way to the surface, the gag reflex again is triggered by the bands juevenile lyricism complete with smarm a-go-go. Which in Cobrian roughly translates as 'C to the R to the A to the, to the, to the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the P'. Strange Glue would like to remind you all of how lucky you are that you can make it stop anytime you see fit (our first reflex that way inclined was at around 52 seconds into the first track.) we however, are forced to listen to it over and over and over again, just to make sure.
Speaking about the album's moniker they said “We all LOVED the title 'If the World Is Ending, We're Throwing the Party' (it's actually a line from what I think will be the first song we put out). But everyone (their fans) was having a hard time remembering it (they were like, 'what is it again? If the world is gonna end , then we're gonn....??' etc. )” You can discern for yourself the IQ of the average C.S. fan from that statement. It's nine words...
To sum up, here is a list of things we'd rather do than have to endure this album again.
1.) Re-enact the first task from “Die Hard with a Vengeance.”
2.) Have a shave using a belt sander, and we don't just mean the face.
3.) Attend a six day convention entitled 'The Future of Plumbing'.
4.) Attend a 'Big-Brother' reunion party.
5.) Undergo seven hydrochloric acid colonics.
6.) Try a knock knock joke on a homeless man.
7.) Work in a convenience store which says “We have £10,000 currently in the till.”
8.) Staple our mouth around the exhaust pipe of a 4x4.
9.) Have our blood replaced with Diet Coke before taking an injection of Mentos.
10.) Answer the question of “What do live plug sockets taste like?”
Note: The rating has been upgraded from a zero to a one due to the new site engines's inability to handle the crapness of a 0/10.
1 / 10
It's odd how a man who writes reviews for albums on the INTERNET can act so tough. Last time I checked, guys in bands were getting laid wayy more than ignorant critics.
Go say it to their faces rather than hiding behind your keyboard. Send them a letter, What have you.
And at the end of the day, that's the main purpose of art, to get people laid. Why else would Michaelangelo be painting the ceiling except so that chicks could look at it when they're lying on their backs!
P.S. Nice touch, using the internet to criticise somebody for using the internet to criticise somebody.
Heh, I really enjoyed the first album and so far from the myspace tracks I enjoy it too.
You're right it's definitely light-poppy pseudo-emo but for those us who aren't that into the styke and haven't heard all the bands they ripped off from, this album looks to be a fun one from the my space tracks.
So I'm disagreeing.
Also my girlfriend likes them almost as much I do, so I'm not worried about getting laid. You can take all the other chicks for now with your hardcore-ness.
erm... I'm pretty sure if you pick up any single girl from the whole crowd at a Cobra Starship gig, you would be breaking the law and being put on an offenders list.
hmm...I wouldn't really consider them 'emo'. I'd say they're more...power-pop with a dance tinge. I actually liked this album! Well, it was definitely nowhere near as good as the last album...a massive pity that the best song (Scandelous) had the worst lyrics. Truly awful. But Guilty Pleasure and the City is at War were brilliant, if all the songs were even half as good, it would be at least an 8 star album.
just a pity they aren't...
Too harsh! I agree that maybe CS aren't the best, certainly nowhere near as good as FOB or TAI..., but some of the songs on here are pretty good! (Like "The City is at War" and "Guilty Pleasures") And as for the pretenious list of things you'd "rather be doing", God, how awful for you! Having to sit in a cushy office listening to CD's all day, that must be really hard!
and besides, they aren't emo! I am so sick of everyone just throwing anything that isn't obviously R&B, or rap or pop or whatever into that basket! I hate it, damn it!
Basically i think that there are three tracks that stand out on this album, guilty pleasure, smile for the paparazzi, and prostitution.
these songs seem like they show real promise in some parts, but honestly some parts eem to blend in with the rest of the album.
Um, *someone* is just a little bit biased. First of all, stop with the mother f*cking emo category. Saporta has even said that this whole band is just for fun. It's something to dance to. So stop with the whole 'higher knowledge' sh*ite on ripping off power pop bands. This is what I hate about music critics. The record has to have some boring deep intellectual meaning to be worthy of their time. It's also due time somebody knocked you down a peg. God. BAG OF DOUCHE.
"And at the end of the day, that’s the main purpose of art, to get people laid. Why else would Michaelangelo be painting the ceiling except so that chicks could look at it when they’re lying on their backs!
P.S. Nice touch, using the internet to criticise somebody for using the internet to criticise somebody.
"
Ha ha, owned.
I actually liked this album. You didn't really talk about the music itself though, more about the style of the music. Ripping off other powerpop bands, and that young girls listen to it...This makes me wonder if you're right to be critiquing...music.
Hey dude, don't be a douche-pirate. Cobra Starship is a decent band, because you can sing to it, and it's fun to dance to. Maybe you're too fat from sittin on ur ass all year eatin oreos to dance. and maybe u can't sing, so u decided to write some dumb review.
I can understand if you don't like it. The lyrical content is a little lacking. But don't give it a zero! And at least let the criticism be constructive dude!
Here's some constructive criticism: If the album sounds fun, it's probably not meant to be very deep. I'm all for deep music, but when I wanna just dance, i'll crank up the Cobra, and you can crank up Beethoven's Fifth.
cobra starship rocks, hard.
besides, they are not emo
one of the purposes of the
band was to stop the emo
kids from being pussies :]
You are a terrible critic. But your name is Aidan, no wonder you're bitching so much.
Sticks and stones will break my bones but words weaponise psychiatry.
I'm not terrible, I'll have you know that I volunteer at the animal shelter at weekends...You can't imagine the rush you get from killing an unwanted puppy. I make bracelets out of their collars.
alright. cobra happens to be one of my favorite bands.
their songs weren't meant to be criticized by wierd grown men in the basement..
they were meant to be played to have fun dancing, singing along. fantastic party songs.
and actually, most people DO remember 'if the world is ending, i'm throwing the party'.
don't steriotype all their fans just because one can't remember the line.
the whole album is just awesome to dance to,
which is exactly what it was meant for.
it was never supposed to be dissected and scrutinized.
it is what it is. and you're one of the only people who do not like the cobras.
and i agree. stop labeling and categorizing people. 'emo' is not even right to call someone.
the best thing would be to adopt some social skills.
erm, wasn't it "If the World Is Ending, We are Throwing the Party"
Admit it Jordan, you went to see "Meet the Spartans" this weekend didn't you :)
Ha! Good spot Kate, what a nonce.
No one likes them. At Leeds I checked them out and there were 15 twelve year old girls in there. NO DANCING OR PARTYING. I soon left.
I truthfully think this review is a bit harsh. I mean, a Zero?
They do have a lot of good songs on the album; not as much as I'd hoped, but still.
Personally, I love it.
Also, I have seen them live; they were amazing, and they were better than a lot of other bands could even pull off.
Though, this is MY opinion. So...
dude.... me and my friends love quoting lines from their songs. they're random and witty. ur too harsh but idc.
i totally disagree. it's perfect for teens. i'm one and i LOVE IT!
thats a good question...is 0 out of 5 even allowed?
this is quite possibly the shittiest review i've ever read. personally, i love viva la cobra.. not as much as while the city sleeps, we rule the streets, but it's still a really fun album. cobra starship is my favorite band.. i've seen them live several times and met them every time. they're amazing live, they have awesome energy. and btw i'm not underage and i know plenty of people who aren't and are cobra fans, and that includes guys.
you talk about the average IQ of a typical cobra fan, but i have to say, i'm seriously doubting your intelligence here. you're so fucking stereotypical, it's just funny. i mean calling them "emo" (do you even know what that means? doesnt sound like it) and talking about the teenie fans, could you be any more unoriginal?
and whatever you read as you were writing your review, where you read the thing about the album title they didn't go with, you obviously read it wrong. i'm almost positive they joked that THEY couldn't remember If The World Is Ending, We're Throwing The Party.. not the fans. good job with your research.
and while you're going on about juvenile lyricism, i'd just like to say that Gabe Saporta is great at what he does and is far more successful than you will probably ever be. i love cobra's lyrics. they're witty.
you have a huge stick up your ass apparently and are quite possibly incapable of having fun, judging from your inability to get cobra starship. the band is all about having fun and really isn't met to be taken seriously. if you actually listened to the album, the second track "guilty pleasure" is basically about douchebags like you. haha that's probably why you don't like it.
"and i don't even read what the papers gotta say about me
oh, no, i can't believe
they take it so serious, seriously
i'm so bored, oh please
don't talk anymore
shut your mouth and get down on the floor
so cynical, poor baby
you're never gonna win em all
so fuck em if they can't take a joke"
i'm really hoping they don't actually pay you to write this bullshit? and you call FBR a fast growing turd factory? if any of the other reviews suck as much as yours, i'd say the same about this site. funny considering the mission statement.. "to provide the best music news, reviews and articles that we possibly can." what a joke.
I disagree.
But you mustn't for get that the fans are overweight.
why did that post 3 times? sorry. :|
writing a review on a CD does not give you the right to pick on a band's fans and make assumptions about their IQ level. very unprofessional. you lost all that you had going for you after that sentence.
sounds like SOMEBODY got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!!!!!! and dude u shouldn't be talking!!!!!! have you ever tried to put out a record and actually sell it? i can already answer that for you...NO!!!!! and about those ten things you'd rather do...well I hope U DO THEM!!!!!
ONE MORE QUESTION...
DO u even kno what EMO means? (obviously u don't. I'm tired of having people stereotype everything as "EMO".
And how can something be emo yet "too teeny".
U NEED TO TAKE THAT PENCIL U HAVE STUCK UP UR BUTTHOLE AND WRITE AN INTELLIGENT REVIEW INSTEAD OF BASHING THE FANS!!!!!!!
Here are the arguments so far for why this record isn't as bad as the review says it is.
1. They're not F***ING EMO!!!
2. It's for fun, it's not supposed to be good or subjected to any kind of scrutiny!
3. The reviewer is some fat white guy in a basement!!
Whoa..I'm convinced.
...especially considering that not once was it mentioned that the band was 'emo'. The review merely stated they had the style of 'emo', fashion and lifestyle-wise.
Also, number three is totally inaccurate, the reviewer happens to be a fat white guy with a lovely second floor office overlooking the ocean I'll have you know! ;)
so harsh
you're pretty much dumb for taking the music so seriously
it's supposed to be fun and lighthearted stuff to dance to
calm down, they're great!
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cs65dos
commented 6 months ago
I have to say I heard good reports about this band, so I went and saw them. I had left by the third song. Only time thats ever happened. They were truely awful in my opinion. But then alot of the crowd were loving it, so this review is i'd say is a tad harsh. I mean, a zero?! Is that even allowed?!!