Third Eye Blind: Ursa Major

This has to be the most ridiculous review I have ever read. This is by far the best the Third Eye Blind album yet. You shouldn't be reviewing albums. This is all in your opinion, yes, but thats it... in your opinion and all completely untrue. I highly suggest that people buy this album when it comes out, you will not be disappointed in the least.

Is that the Montauk Monster up on the cover?

Not sure.....

This might tell you......

By far the most hilarious review of this album yet, and way more cutting than my own. 8 stars for this review.

This was a great review, Kevin Cadogan.

P.S. Just because you obviously had some shortcomings due to the pure talent and emotion that is Third Eye Blind, doesn't mean that you have to make an idiot of yourself by writing a review that proves you have absolutely zero musical knowledge.

From one critic to another...

This review was difficult to read from the opening paragraph, well before I knew (and well before I would ever take personally) your opinion on this release. I know my comment will get grouped in with a million angry 3eb fans and I'm sure you expected that, but really, as far as writing from a professional standpoint, this is pretty limp. And your first instinct was right: Benjamin Buttons references don't clarify your position. Nor do decade-old Fight Club references. Jeez.

How did you even get this job?

this whole review was pretty idiotic, however your review of one in ten was especially hilarious because you seem to be unaware that the song was a JOKE. you must not have listened to much 3eb in your pathetic lifetime

Aidan, nice name. I can tell just by your name that you are very hip. If I were a betting man I'd guess that you lived in Portland and attached your favorite indie records to your fixie Peugeot and took it for a spin to all your favorite local music halls.

My main problem with this review is that you're not so much interested in listening to the music but in roasting on a band that falls into the category of washed up from an indie-head's point of view. It's pathetic. It's like attacking a 3 legged dear. I bet you've been waiting on this album to come out all year.

Worst yet, if you were to change this band's history -- say this was their debut album from a bunch of young 20 year olds from a pretentious city like Vancover -- there's no doubt in my mind that you'd give it a handful of more stars.

Please, go back to praising the wah-wah guitar of Of Montreal, or whatever else is cool these days.

South-East England, Ford and Atari Teenage Riot. Nice try though.

Well "Aidan", I think you must have cloth in your ears and sawdust in your head because you obviously have no idea what good music is. But I suppose if I listened to samey, dirgey, tuneless pretentious, indie drivel 15 hours a day my ears would soon become tone deaf as well. Next time I think they should get a dog with a bucket on it's head to write the review because that would do a much better job of it than you. Judging by the comments here you're not very good at your job! Better luck next time!

aidan

I know that in between jonas brothers concerts and frequenting chuck e cheese its hard to recognize talent. how about keeping your opinion to yourself or at least to the confines of your pokemon tournament buddies.

one love homes

This is the most pretentious album review I've ever read. What's wrong, little guy? Not "indie" enough for you? I looked at your favorites of the year so far. I think your main problem with 3EB is they were popular at one point.

Props for quoting lyrics for one of the songs though. That took some hard work, I'm sure. Nice attempt at trying to appear like you know what you're doing.

Seriously, who did you sleep with to get this job? Does your boss know your parents or something?

Do us all a favor and stick to Magic: The Gathering with your friends, if you have any, and leave listening to music to people who don't cry themselves to sleep with a picture of Emma Watson under their pillows.

Whats wrong with Pokemon?! My Pikachu would rip up your Charmander any day.

Aidan, Third Eye Blind is a pop rock band, a style which you're obviously not a fan of. So why are you reviewing this record? You consider yourself to be a music journalist, well guess what, you're just a hack like most of the others. You see to be a somewhat decent music journalist you need to demonstrate objectivity in your reviews, of which you have not. At least Stephan Jenkins is good at what he does...unlike you. If everyone could write a song like Semi Charmed Life we'd all be millionaires. No one cares what you think of this record, it has no value or substance as you obvuiously made your mind up on it before you even listened to it. Most fans don't care about reviews, anyone who listens to music can express their opinions on it, what makes reviewers more qualified than the next person. But you have obviously offended a lot of people here with your shoddy review. If you actually were a genuine music lover, and not just a trendy indie scenester who wants to score indie brownie points you would realise that "Bonfire" is an absoloute gem of a tune and the kind of song you could only dream about being able to compose.

best 3eb album ever?! HAHAHA. You've got to be kidding me.

seriously? another shitbag douchefuck who doesn't know shitsquat about music.

Mr. Williamson:

I loved your review. You used more tired (and bad) references to pop culture phenomenon than I believed was possible. Thanks for proving me wrong.

In addition to your passage being confusing and an incomprehensible mess, I also appreciated that you did not feel bound by the rules of the English language - until today I had not heard of the word "priorly."

I will now use it incessantly and will feel free to arbitrarily add "ly" to the end of any word. Thanksly and alasly, go Third Eye Blindly.

Shitbag? douchefuck? shitsquat?...excellent swearwords, they just seem to roll of the tongue.

What's wrong with Yes Dear?

Aidan,

I do not like you. I do not like your name, nor do I look the words you attempted to string together for a coherent review of this album. I sincerely regret the deep-seeded inferiority complex has caused you to retreat into your indie-rock loving world. Footnote: indie rock is not new, nor is it revolutionary. By stridently attempting to be so UN-mainstream, you in fact fall right in line with the currently popular trend of "bucking the system." Kudos to you.

I wish no harm to befall you, for I believe everyone has a chance to redeem themselves. I say that, as you closely resemble one who would throw on some Blink 182's "Adam's Song" and actually follow the lyrics, thinking you were creating a poetic end for yourself. You would not be. You would just be a loser. Don't be a loser, Aidan.

I'm guessing from the coverage that's going on over at NY Mag that the 3eb fan club took their cue from the Avril Lavigne fan club.

Find a few hundred people with enough time on their hands and you can make anything seem popular. I wonder if the same will go for the 'Jet' fan club come Monday :)

Ok, let's see:

1.) Use a dictionary, it's the adverb of 'prior'.

2.) I do not own any Blink-182. If you have anything to say against Moving Mountains, Genghis Tron, Atari Teenage Riot, Protest the Hero, Mew or The Get-Up Kids, feel free to do so, since these are actually bands I listen to.

3.) Who's Emma Watson?

4.) I love pop-rock music. Tokio Hotel are awesome :-D

Well...I think TEB's self titled album that came out like 10 years ago is one of the best albums I own and I never get tired of listening to it. So I was kind of excited to know they were going to release something new....

But come on, wtf is this album, a joke? I read people saying it's TEB's best...O_O duh? Did you guys cut off your ears? I hate this album, I wanted to love it until the moment I popped it into my car's CD player. There's not one track I manage to like EXCEPT the instrumental one where Jenkins doesn't make a sound.

If you seriously believe this is TEB's best then you probably don't know the band at all...I'm so disappointed with this album and I feel like I'm the only one.

I don't claim to be any kind of music expert, but I have to say that a review with some substance beyond cutting remarks about a career that most musicians would die for and tired references would have been nice Aidan. Try not to rank a band's best album to eat up words so that you get around explaining your opinion of the one you're reviewing. It's lazy, biased and ridiculous to do in something even moderately intelligent people will be reading. In my opinion, Ursa is not as consistent as Third Eye Blind, Blue and Out of the Vein, but to make it out to be grating noise without some gems...I just didn't hear it. I am probably more critical than most fans but even I found some songs to enjoy (Bonfire, Why Can't You Be and Carnival Barker for a start) on this album and am just thankful some new music from one of my favorite bands finally hit the airwaves.

u , my friend r an idiot. how did u get a job reviewing albums. reviewing gay porn is more up your alley. that u have knowledge in

First of all, you have zero writing talent. I've never seen such poorly constructed paragraphs before in my life, so you shouldn't have this job. Second of all, coming from a musician, not some lame "writer" with a bloated degree (if that) who thinks he knows anything about music because of his mildly impressive itunes collection, we don't need your drugstore-psychology-type review. Sit back and listen to what the artist was going for, not what YOU think they should have done. I like your reference to their "over-processed" guitar? I guess you must have meant over-production, which is funny because this is a rather raw album and not much OVER-PRODUCTION was done from what I can hear. There may be a little bit of refining in the choir sections, obviously. But I guess with your plethora of musical knowledge, you knew that and just needed something to be critical about. After all, it's their brainchild. Your lack of respect is just distasteful.

Well if that doesnt bring you out swinging Aidan, nothing will. Get him!

Sigh, if I must Gavin.

Firstly, go to dictionary.com. Then look up the word "paragraphs", we did those on day one of 'Bloated English Language 101'.

Production generally refers to manipulation of recorded music, i.e.. after the fact. Processing, or more specifically, signal processing (although either terms are apt in such a context) refers to the live manipulation of music. Examples would include effects pedals such as flangers, phasers, wah-wah, delay, reverb, chorus and room effects. It was to these processing effects to which I was referring.

You do however have a point. Music criticism too often stoops to commenting on the music which is front of them, I agree that more focus should be put on what the band wanted to achieve as opposed to what they actually did achieve.

Let's start the revolution. Hypothetical reviews! We can publish early reviews for every album. "Sure, the Arctic Monkeys follow-up to Humbug hasn't been recorded, or even written, yet. We think that they really want to write a good album though. They definitely are aiming to write some nice catchy songs which deal with Northern life. Therefore we give them 9/10. As for the album after that: 7/10. They're just not thinking as hard anymore!"

LOUD NOISES!

Paragraphs, haha. Bloated English 101? ...Apparently that class should have focused a little more on preventing your reviews from turning into confusing debacles polluted with obscure movie references and random, wandering ideas. Your lack of focus completely leaves the reader baffled and wondering what on earth they just read.

However, I am glad that you did agree with me on my point about appreciating what the artist was going for. Just remember, Aidan, it is easy to judge an operation from an armchair. Saying that Stephan Jenkins' words or raps are ridiculous or saying that they are in bad taste is like telling Trey Anastasio, "I think you could have done a little better with those arpeggios during the second chorus" or telling Steve Gadd, "I think you were playing a little too busy during the intro." Your input would be null.

The artist has a vision and that vision, whether you think it's worthy or not, is the big picture. I believe the artist achieved exactly what they were going for or the album would still be in their hands. They released it because they were happy with it.

As for your idea about hypothetical reviews, that was a cute attempt to be a smart ass, but completely lame. Third Eye Blind isn't out to build the best big stick. They just want to be appreciated for what their art is. Face it, your review was downright harsh and, in a sense, complete slander. I'm not only defending 3EB but all bands that are subject to this type of slaughter.

There must be some truth to what I preach otherwise you wouldn't have responded. Can I ask that if you must comment back, could you focus on "what is front of you?" Stay on topic and, Aidan, please use those prepositions. I can't understand your gibberish.

^.^

I'm glad that TEB put out a new album. I had thought the band had gone belly-up with their hiatus and all, but I was glad to have been proven wrong.

Ursa Major is a decent album, a bit slower than previous albums, and there has not been many swear words thrown in the lyrics, which is a relaxing touch.

As I said, the album seems a bit slower through most of the tracks, although "Can You Take Me", and "Sharp Knife", and possibly others, get nice and edgy fast.

Overall, a decent album, and I am glad the band is back. From their history, they seem to have a lot of imagination and energy behind them ... if they don't go on hiatus again, they should be around for a while, and hopefully they'll continue to put out decent to good albums. :)

John B.

This absolutely has to be the worst review I've ever read.

Pretentious garbage.

Perhaps this website should look into hiring recent university graduates who possess real writing and analytical thinking skills.

hey Derek,

I didn't go to university And I's still analytical as your mother. Read every article on here have you?